It’s Natural . . . Grief like love and happiness is one of the most human, sometimes heavy and timeless of experiences. When you grieve, it is important that you know that you are not alone and you are joining the ranks of many who have lived through that pain before you; and there will be those that follow you. Tears are very natural part of the grieving process although it is our first human instinct when we experience sorrow to elevate our inner strength and refrain from crying.
When Will Things Get Better? Grief also launches us to a place where it is easy to forget the present, but take care to notice the people who walk beside you now. This is an opportunity to treasure those people, the episodes of laughter and those silly moments, for they are what warm and comfort your heart. I am suffering; I can never move on and this is my life now. This becomes your truth for months or even years. At some point hope drifts in without warning and you find that you can laugh, leave the house or even experience a moment of unspeakable joy. Hold on...the life and color will return. Suddenly, there is someone who needs you, and your willingness to nurture that other person ignites your healing process. It requires patience and hope that you will be able to enjoy life again. It will come. You may not step back into the “old you” that was defined by the person who has passed on, but elements of living for the sake of life will return. Know that moment will come again and you will be able to move your feet despite your original thought, you will breathe and you will survive it.
Everyone has regrets about how much better things could have been. Do you sometimes imagine the ability to have one wish? If you could go back in time, you would do things differently and change the ending; fill it with more kind words and moments of tenderness. Get a postcard, fill with the important pieces and you have no longer confined it to your mind to replay and build guilt for what was never said. Create outlets like a wailing wall or a tribute quilt where you express pieces of your grief and thoughts through sewing or small prayers tucked in the crevices of a garden wall.
What Changed? Grief can help you gain new perspective or it can reduce you to a lifeless rubble. Reflect on the love of that relationship that is gone and celebrate what made is exceptional. Retell those stories, feed those memories to others who grieve for them as well then the healing becomes contagious. When we lose someone, it seems to dissolve in small doses. We experience a holiday, a birthday, or see a piece of clothing still tucked gently in her drawer or a favorite hat that he wore. With each occasion, grief creeps in slowly and it will take time before you are ready to appreciate the joy that is in and around you. Don’t avoid the tears, go ahead and cry when you need to be comforted from that bruise on your soul.
I Can Breathe Again
Be patient with yourself. After all, you were designed to love passionately which made you vulnerable to the experience of intense sorrow. Each loss will alter your shape. You remain tethered to time and space until those feelings are illuminated to cherish those who are still a big part of your life. There is restoration and balance on the horizon. It is time to live and love again without fear of losing . . .